breathing problems....

this morning, i was doing my indie musician duty, sitting at my computer, responding to emails and planning the rest of the day that i'll spend at the computer. i was having trouble breathing. i couldn't seem to get a full breath and was getting a little alarmed. what was causing this shortness? (bear in mind, yesterday I was chatting with my friend and fellow musician, Victoria Vox, about not having health insurance. She's been without it for one year longer than i.) so i got a little nervous. nobody likes that feeling, that no matter how hard you breathe in, it's as if your body has forgotten how to do it on its own.

i went about the morning, trying not to let it bother me too much. plus, i'm alone in the office and so no one can make fun of me for being a "mouth breather" or making too much noise, or screaming randomly with frustration.

but i wondered......what could be causing this? could it be:

1. anxiety over the beginning of the 6th year of our invastion/occupation/destruction of Iraq?

2. pondering all that we could be doing with that estimated $60 billion that Maryland alone shares in the financial burden (so far) of the war?

3. worrying about the soldiers who are coming back from all combat and the medical and psychological treatment they may or may not receive?

4. thinking about the best ways to get around without driving my car at all in an effort to further curb my personal carbon footprint and/or save money from what is becoming an enormous gasoline bill that i've put on a credit card?

5. wondering if all it takes to be successful in the mainstream Pop Culture is to pose for "girls gone wild" and then a few years later, up the ante and get paid for a tryst with a government official? (seriously, it's stressful to read that it is estimated she's made over $200K in downloads of her two "songs".)

nope, i figured it out. None of these reasons are the cause of the problem. It's Maryland. And Spring is trying to blow into town. And it's bloody windy as all get-out outside and so everything everywhere is blowing around and for people with seasonal allergies, it's time to break out the Neti Pot en force.

whew....I was worried it was something serious!

but in other news, last night I performed at the Winter Soldier and Baltimore Speak Out. There were speakers, poets, Iraq and Vietnam Veterans there. Even 2 mothers of soldiers who are serving and served (he's now deceased) in Iraq. It was an interesting evening. Emotional. The most important thing that I think was said: "I'm sad to be here tonight." It's true, I wasn't happy to be there last night, because the purpose of that gathering is awful and shouldn't have to happen at all. But circumstances being what they are, at least people could gather and tell stories and share information about the true costs of the war. (think of all that we could do with that money.)

In case you're interested, I have this cd, Words on War, and I recommend it to you as well. My friend Jamie Wilson produced this and it's a bunch of poets with great music backing up intense poetry. And it supports a good cause. Make sure to listen multiple times to Alice Gaines Played the Harp. It's scary and beautiful.