the sky is bright this afternoon, but it's been raining all day. i have put out every available bucket to catch the rain in the hopes that tomorrow and wednesday, when it's not raining, i can use some to continue to soak the lawn. last year, i refused to water it during the dry dry summer because that's a waste of valuable water. but hey, this water is literally falling from the sky, so why can't i keep a little? i wish i had thought to get more buckets.
sometimes, the world and the news of the world and the news of my own life in my brain feels like a behomoth problem-monster eating my own head. i get stuck on a rinse and repeat cycle of "everything sucks/is scary/is futile" and even coffee, the thing that usually fills me with positivity, doesn't work to jolt me out of the doldrums. today is that day. so was yesterday. even at band rehearsal, a room filled with incredible musicians all working on my songs, i couldn't get my head in the game. i have some excuses: fatigue, hunger, but i know what it is--i have situational depression. it will pass when a positive thing happens that i can latch onto, but right now, the situation is that i feel alot like the world is moving and not moving; much of humanity is partying like it's 1999, guzzling oil and rice and water and i'm in the front car of a roller coaster that's clicking to the top of the ride about to go over the edge and free-fall into something truly dystopian.
ick. and ugh.
but it's situational. this too shall pass.
right?
right?
i suppose it hasn't helped me that last week i read a book by Gene Simmons. well, not really a book, but more a list of his future and past accomplishments, according to him, but still...i read it all the way to the end because even though i'm not a fan of most of anything that he is or does, i respect his willingness to try everything and do it and not give a shit. i respect the marketing prowess. how can i apply that to the thing that i've got going on--which i consider good?
also, i watched Southland Tales this weekend. Richard Kelly's bizarro followup to one of my all time favorites, Donnie Darko. Southland is a long flick. And as a long time fan of David Lynch, i can respect what Kelly was trying to say.....but i found myself saying "huh?" alot more than i usually do when i'm watching these types of fil-ums. however, The Star Spangled Banner by Rebekah del Rio and the Section Quartet is freaking AMAZING and worth sitting through 2 hours plus of confusion. I suppose, maybe i'm not smart enough to "get" the movie (or i need to save up and get the graphic novels prequel so i can know what what's going on)......but i thought i got Darko!....maybe it just takes time and mulitple viewings? Also, i might cover "Teen Horniness is Not a Crime"...mostly because I concur.
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2 comments:
I, too, am 5' 10.5" and I, too, wear a size 10 shoe. I share your woe. But being in such a condition qualifies one, however deep in the doldrums, as a long, tall Texan.
And what could be better'n THAT?
(I love your blog and your music.)
So uh, when you mention coffee in this post, do you mean coffee, or coffee? I mean, I love coffee and coffee, but I also love precision of language.
And, I'm in the process of perhaps finding some really good coffee. And if that works out I shall brew you a pot or two.
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