as Cohen says "sometimes i find i get to thinkin' of the past" (listen to Teddy Thompson's version). a year can go by slowly and quickly at the same time. how is that possible? memory and time are stretchy.
i remember things from the past few years so vividly. others, i have relegated to a fuzzy part of the brain. i don't want to remember them.
spring cleaning brings up old memories, photos, letters, things best left in the attic.....do i keep them because they are the diary of my life? do i toss them because they are keeping me attached to the past (about which, i can do nothing to change.)
i have always been sentimental and i come from sentimental people. we cry easily. i have rejected and been rejected. i see pictures of people i used to know and my first thought is always: how young we look; and that we are just stupid kids. how can i blame anyone for "mistakes"....how can i blame myself. i was a stupid kid too. in fact, i still am. still making mistakes. still writing about them in my diary--a record of missteps and emotions. i don't usually write when things feel great, i'm too busy feeling great!
the spring for me has always been when things happen. big things. change. i'm sure i'm not alone in this. May seems to be a time of goodbyes. i'm happy to say goodbye to cold weather and it'll be good to clear out the house again. making that extra space so that the universe can bring something new in, right?
i should have written this blog earlier--i was sounding much more profound then. oh well, that's the past, for ya.
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